Jim is a shy man of 27. He is slender and always dressed in casual jeans and a tee-shirt. A soft spoken man with a delightful sense of humor, he always starts off our sessions by asking me sincerely how I am doing. Jim has come to see me because he has no friends, struggles to join in conversation with others, works at a job that is rather isolating, and sees no way to change his life. But Jim isn’t just shy; he has Social Anxiety.
From his paperwork, I discovered that Jim has always been a rather solitary figure, who barely finished high school. He described his experience with people: He fears that someone will ask him a question and all eyes will turn to him in expectation and find… NOTHING. Jim enjoys being around people but he doesn’t know how to join in a conversation. He has never asked a girl on a date, rarely spends time with friends, and panics at the idea of going into a store or library. He struggles even to talk with his boss at work about his responsibilities. Circumstances like these are common to many people with social anxiety.
Some people with social anxiety become anxious any time they are with others, some suffer when in groups, and others only when they go to specific places, but the over-riding issue for people with social anxiety is a fear of being observed and judge; that is, a fear of rejection. There’s a good reason for this fear.
The Purpose of Social Anxiety
For early man, safety was found in being part of a group–the tribe. Having no tribe could mean fending off large predators alone and that could spell death. No wonder we developed a deep need to belong to the group. We evolved to “fit in” and when we feel like we do not it causes fear or anxiety.
Fear is meant to focus our attention just like a convex lens focuses light into a bright spot. However, just as that magnifying lens can cause a light so bright (hot) that it causes fire, so too much fear can overwhelm and cause us to act in such a way that we lose the very thing we fear losing. We call this a self-fulfilling prophesy.
A socially anxious person feels so threatened that he acts in a way that makes others feel uncomfortable. He may struggle with making appropriate eye contact, or not contributing in a conversation, or never having an opinion. This appears unfriendly to others and they may exclude the awkward person. This is the very result he feared and was trying to avoid.
Healing Social Anxiety
It all starts with feelings and that’s where the solution to the problem lies, in the emotions. One of the best ways to restore social comfort or confidence is with hypnosis, a process that works in the subconscious mind where emotions are located. By working on the emotion of fear, while in hypnotic trance, you can learn to calmly approach anxious situations while remaining in a deeply focused and highly relaxed state. With some consistent effort the body and mind learn to associate the calm relaxation, instead of fear, with the situation.
Social anxiety can be devastating to the person experiencing it. It leaves a person socially isolated and lonely. It can erode self-esteem and short-circuit relationships but social anxiety is treatable. If you suffer with symptoms of social anxiety call for an appointment today. Don’t suffer a minute more.
801-494-7612
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